Tick tock.
I can’t remember ever having been what you would call comfortable in front of a camera.
Like many other people, I’m not being happy with what I look like; I have a well-honed line in self-deprecating humour – get in first with the put downs before someone else can, that’s the big girl’s way. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, we all know that, but if you don’t like what you see, then you either have to learn to live with it, or you change it.
I would criticise myself in private, but not actually do anything about how I was feeling until recently when the penny dropped. The crunch point came this summer when my little girl enquired politely if perhaps by any chance Mummy might be coming to the beach with her this time, Purrrlease? I hate going to the beach, not because it’s the beach, but because of what you have to wear when you’re there. Swimwear, I hate it. Unforgiving, evil, tight fitting non-clothes, bring back bloomers that’s what I say: plenty of fabric to hide chunky thighs and wobbly tummies behind.
Don’t get me wrong, it is what is on the inside that counts, but it’s what’s on my insides that really concerns me – I hardly ever exercise, I don’t eat regularly or healthily, I drink far too much coffee, I smoke, I work long hours, I suffer from stress with deadlines and negative cash flow, I don’t really ever relax, and when I do my most favourite fruit is wine. I’ve seen those nasty commercials where the kids plead with their parents to get healthy. And I’ve seen those TV shows where they show you how old your body is compared to your actual age. Scary stuff.
My little girl just turned four, next year I turn forty. The way I’m going I might not be around to celebrate her fortieth. Things have got to change, for my sake, and for hers. If not now, then when? The big birthday looms bright and large in my future, and I don’t want to be the fat chica in the picture anymore. Well, everyone needs a project over the winter, don’t they? So here, in print, I’m making a pledge, to my health and to my little family. With the help of some of the island’s most qualified experts, I’m going to change my lifestyle (hopefully without losing my sense of humour).
Over the next few months I’ll be reporting back on that process in ML&S, and in between times you can join me if you’d like to at www.39andcounting.net
